I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
