Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
