we have pet lesbian snakes
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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