Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
