Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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