Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
