I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
