Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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