yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
