Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
