shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
