She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
