Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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