wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
