i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
