dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
