I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
