OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
