ya dads aren't the best wingmen
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
