I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
