Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
