i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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