Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
