I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
