But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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