Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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