I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
