The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
