Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
