I am spending my child support on dildos
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?