i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.