Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
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OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.