grandma shit on top of the toilet
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties