Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
