Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
