his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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