I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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