Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Two words: blizzard sex
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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