someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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