i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize