Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
