I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize