Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
