Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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