he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
