If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
