party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i out mim tonsoeep
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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