i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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