People in love make me want to vomit
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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