I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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