My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
