what day is it and did you see me today?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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