ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
