I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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