I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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