When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
