if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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