just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
