Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
