so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize