I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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