My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
