There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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