She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Come on in and take your pants off
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