I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
