I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
