I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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