Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
