so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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