Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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