Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
