Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
