dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
