wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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