she was so not down for the gang bang
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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