Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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