did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
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Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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