I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
