When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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