and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
