I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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